Kevan Wilson

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Wordy Rappinghood

repraw-shootIt’s the most wonderful time of the year; no not Christmas, although I do love mince pies and Christmas pudding as much as I hate wedding cake, or maybe it’s just weddings? No the time of the year that I’m talking about is when the pictures that people post on social media have new descriptions from the ones that we’ve been seeing all summer. Gone are ripped, shredded, peeled etc. only to be replaced with words like fluffy; really, fluffy?

What does fluffy mean? Fluffy like an omelette or a souffle? Fluffy like a bunny rabbit or a fluffy pussy (insert your own off season body hair joke here please). I think that people use the word fluffy to say that they still look great but you can’t quite see it in the picture because they have actually eaten something as they won’t be competing for six months. Don’t worry selfie lovers, eating off season is good and we all know that you’re awesome without seeing your abs. Which brings me on to some more weird off season terms.

Lean bulking / clean bulking / dirty bulking. Or as I call them impossible / boring / awesome. The best way that I can explain this is from personal experience of peoples emails that I receive about this time of year and my replies which go something like this.

Lean bulking – “I want to really get some serious growth over the winter but I also want to get ripped at the same time”. My reply is always the same, “I can’t make you bigger and smaller at the same time, I’m good but I’m not Jesus”. Yes sometimes the F word does find its way in there too but I’m getting more mellow as the old peoples home becomes nearer to reality each day so it’s only occasional.

Clean bulking – “”I want to really get some serious growth over the winter but I don’t want to get fat”. This is actually possible depending on your definition of fat but the problem is that some athletes think that a weight gain of more than a few pounds over the winter is unacceptable, those people should refer to the answer above. The thing about clean bulking is that basically all you are doing is going from 6 small meals of chicken and veg every day to 6 large meals of chicken and rice (disclaimer – other protein and carbohydrate sources are available). This will work, you will grow and your body fat levels won’t increase dramatically but your brain might shut down if it thinks that’s all you’re going to eat for the rest of your life. Clean bulking is fine but come on people, live a little. As I always say, let it be a lifestyle but don’t let it take over your life.

Dirty bulking – “I just want to be big”. This is simple and enjoyable. All that you need to do is to make sure that you get 1.5 grams of protein for every pound of bodyweight every 24 hours and plenty of water. If you’re doing that you can, within reason, eat pretty much whatever else you need on top of it. It’s not recommended for everyone, we are all different as I frequently point out but when you have worked your socks off for the whole year surely the body deserves some kind of rest and what better time than the holiday season. Eating well and relaxing with loved ones makes the mind and body more relaxed and therefore more responsive when you get back to your regime in the New Year.

Right, the Doctor says that I can resume full training tomorrow so I’ll stop writing these things for a while and start getting back into off season shape, a bit like in the picture but definitely not fluffy. First session will be a tough legs workout at the newly extended and refurbished House Of Fitness gym near Cambridge, I love training at that place.

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